The World is Burning

The World is Burning, But Let's Blame the Kids

A Guide to Generational Gaslighting

The World is Burning, But Let's Blame the Kids

A Guide to Generational Gaslighting

A Guide to Generational Gaslighting

In what might be the most predictable plot twist of the 21st century, we've managed to turn Earth into a George Foreman grill and somehow decided that teenagers with creative fashion choices are the real problem. Welcome to 2025, where the temperature is made up, and the blame game is the only game in town.

Montreal Winters: A Climate Change Love Story

I'm planning a trip to Montreal in February, and everyone keeps warning me about the legendary cold. You know that thing winter used to be before we decided to speedrun climate change because, apparently, the apocalypse wasn’t loading fast enough. Soon enough, Montreal in February will feel like Miami in July, and we'll all pretend this is normal, as we do with everything else in this timeline.

The Great Generational Gaslight

Here's where things get interesting. While the planet is quite literally cooking itself like a TV dinner in the microwave of industrial capitalism, there's an entire generation sitting in their paid-off houses – purchased for approximately three chickens and a firm handshake –convinced that the real threat to civilization is... checks notes... teenagers with pronouns.

"These kids don't know how tough we had it!" they proclaim from their Facebook accounts, reminiscing about drinking from garden hoses and staying out until the streetlights came on. Meanwhile, today's youth are casually surviving school shootings and inheriting a planet that's entering its villain origin story.

The Corporate Profit Plot Twist

The same generation that grew up watching Captain Planet is now watching oil company profit reports like sports scores. "Shell posted record profits!" they cheer as if they're keeping score of how quickly we can turn Earth into Venus. But please, tell me more about how that awkward teenager with nail polish is personally responsible for melting the ice caps and making housing unaffordable.

The Devil's Greatest Trick

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled wasn't convincing the world he didn't exist – it was convincing angry older folks that their real enemy is a 16-year-old barista with blue hair and not the corporations turning the planet into a microwave dinner. "Back in my day..." Yeah, back in your day, the ocean wasn't full of plastic, and you could buy a house as a mall shoe salesman. 

The Real Punchline

The cosmic irony here is palpable. A generation that could afford a house on a part-time job at the local diner tells a generation that needs three jobs to afford a studio apartment that they're just not working hard enough. It's like getting financial advice from someone who thinks a banana still costs ten cents.

A Brief Guide to Reality

While we're all busy blaming kids with creative hair colours and strong opinions about human rights, the architects of our current predicament literally explain their heists via PowerPoint presentations on CNBC. But let's keep pretending the real problem is that teenagers care too much about making the world better.

The only thing more impressive than our ability to ignore obvious problems is our talent for blaming them on the people trying to fix them. Instead of critiquing young people's hair colours, we could focus on why the ocean is full of plastic and the sky is the wrong colour.

But what do I know? I'm just here watching the world burn while people complain about the fire department's pronouns.

CNBC: Where True Crime Meets PowerPoint - A Viewer's Guide to Financial True Crime

Everyone's lamenting the death of prestige television now that Netflix has devolved into an algorithm churning out shows about sexy ghosts solving crimes in artisanal bakeries. "Oh no, the golden age of TV is over!" they cry into their oat milk lattes. But here's the plot twist nobody saw coming; they're just watching the wrong channel.

Welcome to CNBC: The Only Network Brave Enough to Show Crime During Market Hours

Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the most incredible show on television - one that's been flying under the radar despite featuring the most ambitious crossover event in history: white-collar crime meets PowerPoint presentations.

Tonight's Programming Schedule

9 AM - Law & Order: Profit Victims Unit Watch in real-time as CEOs explain how record profits and price hikes are entirely unrelated events, like a teenager insisting they have no idea how that dent got in the car. DUN DUN

10 AM - CSI: Corporate Spending Irregularities Our forensic accountants investigate how an entire pension fund mysteriously transformed into a CEO's bonus. Spoiler alert: it was legal, which is somehow worse.

11 AM - American Greedier Today's episode features a hedge fund manager using PowerPoint to explain why teachers having pensions is terrible for the economy.

Sponsored by BlackRock: "We're not just buying your neighbourhood; we're optimizing your displacement."

The Production Value is Incredible

Where else can you watch someone explain why their yacht needs an emotional support yacht while simultaneously arguing that workers don't need bathroom breaks? The dialogue is unbelievable - you won't believe what they're saying out loud. It's as if "The Wire" was about white-collar crime, and everyone was really proud of it.

Better Than Any Netflix Original

The best part? These villains do director commentary WHILE committing the crime.

"What I love about this scene is how we convinced everyone that their wages caused inflation while we posted record profits. The key was using enough charts that people got too bored to be angry."

The character development is *chef's kiss* magnificent. Watch a CEO evolve from posting "We're all in this together" Instagram stories in 2020 to explaining why record inflation means record bonuses in 2023. That's a better villain origin story than anything in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

The Plot Twists Keep Coming

One day, it's "Why Millennials Killed the Housing Market," and the next, it's "Why We Bought All the Houses." The storytelling is immaculate. Each episode seamlessly weaves together themes of greed, audacity, and the liberal use of pie charts to explain why poverty is actually a choice.

No Subscription Required

Unlike Netflix, this premium content is absolutely free. You can watch the collapse of the middle class in real time, explained by the people doing it, with graphs. 

Coming up after the break: "How We Turned Your Retirement into an NFT - A PowerPoint Story."

Viewer's Guide to Financial True Crime

For maximum enjoyment, keep track of these recurring elements:

  • The creative use of "market forces" as an alibi
  • The transformation of corporate jargon into avant-garde poetry
  • The innovative ways PowerPoint can be used to justify the unjustifiable
  • The stunning plot twist where everything is legal but somehow more criminal

The Greatest Show on Earth

Critics call it "the most honest crime show since The Wire," except these criminals get bonuses instead of arrests. It's the only show on which the criminals explain their methodology in quarterly earnings calls, and the evidence is filed with the SEC.

Stay tuned for our next installment: "Generational Warfare & Manufactured Outrage: How You Went from Twisted Sister to HOA President."

Remember: In a world of streaming services fighting for your attention, only CNBC has the courage to show heists happening in real time with accompanying slide decks. Now that's what I call must-see TV.

From Twisted Sister to HOA President: A Field Guide to Generational Evolution

Picture this: It's 1985. You're wearing ripped jeans, a leather jacket covered in safety pins, and enough hairspray to personally accelerate climate change. You're blasting "We're Not Gonna Take It" and swearing you'll never become "the man." Fast forward to 2025, and you're writing passive-aggressive notes about proper recycling bin placement while organizing a petition against a proposed skate park.

Welcome to the greatest magic trick of our time – watching an entire generation make their principles disappear faster than their hairlines.

The Great Rock 'n' Roll Swindle

The transformation is truly a sight to behold. We're watching people who once screamed, "Fight the Power!" now draft strongly worded emails about unauthorized bird feeders in Unit 7B. It's like a reverse Spider-Man story: With great property values came great insecurity.

Think about it: You're complaining about pronouns while wearing a Twisted Sister t-shirt. My brother in Christ, Dee Snider wore more makeup than the entire drag brunch you're protesting. You sang "We're Not Gonna Take It" and then became precisely what you weren't gonna take.

The Bathroom Wars: A Historical Perspective

Here's a delicious irony sandwich for you: Half your rock idols wouldn't be allowed to use a bathroom in your town now. You went from worshipping Dee Snider fighting Congress to becoming the kind of person who'd call the cops if they saw him walking down your street. "There's a suspicious individual in makeup and ripped clothing!" Yeah, that's called Mötley Crüe, and you used to have their poster above your bed.

The Evolution of Revolution

Let's track this spectacular transformation:

1985: "Anarchy in the UK!" 

2025: "Actually, according to HOA bylaw 7.3..."

Then: Fighting for creative freedom 

Now: Fighting against creative paint colours in the subdivision

Then: "Parents Just Don't Understand" 

Now: "Actually, Will Smith, we need to discuss appropriate media content guidelines."

From Black Flag to Blue Lives

You wore Black Flag shirts and now wave thin blue line flags. The evolution from "Question Authority" to becoming the precise authority that needs questioning is enough to give you whiplash. It's like watching a documentary about a punk rocker who gradually transforms into someone who reports lemonade stands for operating without a permit.

The Great Conformity Speed Run

The speed of this transformation would be impressive if it weren't so tragic. Watch someone go from having a Sex Pistols patch on their denim jacket to having an emotional breakdown at a school board meeting about CRT. "Anarchy in the UK" became "Anxiety in the HOA." You either die a punk rocker or live long enough to become the person calling the cops about improper lawn maintenance.

The Vinyl Collection of Hypocrisy

The real kicker? You're sitting in your "Reagan/Bush '84" shirt that you bought last week at Target, pretending you didn't spend the 80s trying to look exactly like the people Reagan was warning everyone about. Your vinyl collection is basically "Crimes Against Conformity: The Greatest Hits," but now you're trying to ban books because they might contain feelings.

A Guide to Spotting the Evolution

Key indicators that you've completed the transformation:

  • Your rebellion against the machine has become a strongly worded email about the washing machine in Unit 4B
  • Your "Fight the Power" playlist is now your "Fight the Solar Panel Installation" soundtrack
  • You've gone from reading Anarchist manifestos to writing manifestos about proper garbage bin placement
  • Your only act of rebellion is putting your recycling out a day early

The Circle of Strife

The greatest irony isn't that you became everything you hated – it's that you somehow convinced yourself that writing up teenagers for skateboarding is punk rock. You went from "The Man can't keep us down!" to "The Man needs to do something about these property values!"

So, the next time you're drafting a complaint about your noisy neighbours, remember: somewhere, your 18-year-old self is cringing so hard they've created a temporal paradox.

Just remember: you either die a hero or live long enough to become the person complaining about hero-themed yard decorations during non-holiday seasons.

Distraction Economics 101: A Guide to Not Looking While You're Being Robbed

Welcome to the world's worst escape room, where we're all frantically arguing about who moved the furniture while someone's literally walking out the door with all the money. Spoiler alert: It's not the teenager with blue hair who's stealing your economic security – it's the people convincing you to blame the teenager with blue hair.

Capitalism's Greatest Trick

Remember when we thought the Devil's greatest trick was convincing the world it didn't exist? Well, capitalism has upgraded the act. Now, it's convincing poor people that other poor people are the reason they're poor. It's a masterclass in misdirection, except instead of pulling rabbits out of hats, it's pulling neighbourhoods out of the housing market.

The Great American Monopoly Game (Now with Real Houses!)

While we're all getting heated about Mr. Potato Head's pronouns, BlackRock plays Monopoly with actual neighbourhoods. And they're like your cousin who cheats when he's the banker. You're posting heated takes about bathroom bills while they're buying every bathroom in a 50-mile radius.

Modern problems require modern solutions! Soon, you won't have to worry about who can use what bathroom when none of us can afford a home with a bathroom.

It's gentrification via PowerPoint presentations.

The Stock Market: A Mood Ring for Rich People

Remember mood rings? The stock market is like that but for billionaires. "Oh no, the wealthy are feeling sad today because workers demanded basic human rights—quick, sacrifice another pension fund to appease them!"

Meanwhile, you're trying to figure out which organ to sell to make rent, but sure, let's have another heated debate about whether candy mascots are too sexy or not sexy enough.

The Wing Theory of Economic Distraction

Left-wing, right-wing... meanwhile, we're all eating Buffalo Wild Wings because that's all anyone can afford on our third gig economy job.

The real culture war is happening in quarterly earnings calls, but they've got us too busy arguing about the race of a Disney Princess to notice. It's like worrying about the feng shui of the Titanic after it hit the iceberg.

Educational Crisis or Economic Sleight of Hand?

You're mad about what's being taught in schools? How about we discuss why teachers need a GoFundMe to buy pencils while Congress gets insider trading tips? That's the real critical theory you should be studying – why your overdraft fees cost more than your groceries.

Fun fact: The bank charges you $35 for being poor and then uses that money to lobby against regulations that would stop them from charging you for being poor. It's like a pyramid scheme, but the pyramid is just giving money to rich people.

A Brief Guide to Modern Financial Warfare

Traditional Warfare: Armies fighting over resources 

Modern Warfare: PowerPoint presentations explaining why you don't deserve resources

Old School Robbery: Mask and gun 

New School Robbery: Terms and conditions, quarterly earnings reports

Classic Distraction: "Look over there!" 

Modern Distraction: "Let's examine the sociocultural implications of this potato's gender identity while we buy your entire city block."

The Devil Wears Business Casual

The greatest trick wasn't convincing us the devil doesn't exist—it was convincing us he shops at Target instead of Goldman Sachs.

While you boycott Bud Light, they turn water into a futures market.

It's like getting mad at the waiter while the restaurant owner is selling your table out from under you.

How to Spot Real Economic Warfare

  1. If they're telling you who to blame, they're probably who you should blame
  2. The real heist usually happens during the PowerPoint presentation about preventing heists
  3. If someone's explaining why record profits require higher prices, they're not explaining – they're gaslighting with an MBA

A Guide to Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize

The next time you find yourself getting worked up about culture war issue #47, ask yourself: "What corporate crime is being announced via PowerPoint right now?" Remember, while we're arguing about whether casual Friday has gone too far, someone's explaining in quarterly earnings calls why your inability to afford food is bullish for the economy.

Remember: If you're busy being angry at your neighbours, you're probably missing the real show on CNBC – where they're explaining exactly how they're robbing you, complete with pie charts and quarterly projections.

The AI Apocalypse: Where Digital Monkeys Are Now Retirement Plans

Remember when dystopian futures in sci-fi had cool aesthetics? We were promised Blade Runner's neon-noir cityscapes but got ChatGPT writing LinkedIn posts that sound like a motivational speaker having an existential crisis at 3 AM. "Leveraging synergistic AI solutions to disrupt the paradigm of human consciousness. #MondayMindset #GrindNeverStops"

The Evolution of Investment Advice: From Gold Bugs to Jpeg Prophets

When I was young, my uncle gave me sage financial advice: "Invest in gold because they can't print more gold." Fast forward to 2025, and some guy named Chad on TikTok is telling you to invest in JPEGs of clinically depressed primates because "they can't right-click more apes."

At least gold is physical. You're betting your future on clip art with a receipt and a community of people who think typing "gm" every morning counts as a personality trait.

The Amazon Paradox: Digital Trees > Real Trees

Tech bros are burning down the Amazon rainforest so their AI can generate infinite pictures of the Amazon rainforest.

Why? Because real trees don't have enough engagement metrics. You can't monetize photosynthesis.

Every time their AI hallucinates a fact, it releases enough CO2 to kill a polar bear.

But don't worry!

They're training another AI to generate pictures of endangered species – solving extinction with "innovative digital preservation solutions."

It's like replacing your houseplants with photos of houseplants and calling it gardening.

The Great Job Automation Comedy Show

The pitch has evolved from "We're replacing you" to "Democratizing human obsolescence through revolutionary workflow enhancement paradigms."

Translation: "We taught a computer to do your job, but we made the PowerPoint pretty."

Watch venture capitalists speed-running the apocalypse because they're afraid we might develop class consciousness before their AI learns to replicate it.

"Quick, train the model on more stolen art before the peasants remember they outnumber us!"

The Energy Crisis: AI Edition

Fun fact: Every time ChatGPT writes a mediocre blog post about mindfulness, it burns enough energy to power a small village. We're not creating artificial intelligence—we're creating artificial insufferability with a side of climate catastrophe.

Consider this energy usage breakdown:

  • One AI-generated image of a cat could power your refrigerator for a day
  • One viral AI chatbot response could heat a small town
  • One NFT transaction: could launch a rocket to space

The Digital Company Store: Now with More Blockchain

Remember the old coal mining company stores? Well, they're back, baby – but this time with neural networks! They're training these models on all our data and creative work, then selling it back to us like a digital company store.

You'll own nothing, but an AI will generate a picture of you looking happy about it in the style of Van Gogh – who, ironically, couldn't afford to own a home either.

The LinkedIn AI Poetry Generator

Behold! The modern tech workplace!

Where every post must read like it was written by an AI trying to understand human motivation through a LinkedIn filter:

"Grateful 🙏 to announce that our AI has automated gratitude announcements. #blessed #disruption"
"Today, I learned that getting replaced by an algorithm is actually a growth opportunity. Thread (1/47)"

How to Prepare for the AI Apocalypse: A Practical Guide

  1. Learn to Talk Like an AI: Randomly insert words like "leverage," "synergy," and "paradigm" into conversations
  2. Start a Collection of Human Memories: They'll be worth something when nostalgia gets monetized
  3. Practice Looking Engaged in Zoom Calls: Soon, it'll be just you and an AI pretending to listen to each other

The Real Innovation

The true technological breakthrough isn't AI—it's convincing everyone that replacing human creativity with automated mediocrity is progress.

Coming soon: AI-generated dreams because they've already stolen everything else.

But don't worry, your layoff notice will be artisanally crafted by an algorithm that burned down half of Brazil learning how to write "We regret to inform you."

The Future is Here, and It's Mostly PowerPoint

Remember when we thought robots would take over through a violent uprising? They're doing it through quarterly earnings calls and team-building exercises. The machines aren't rising up—they're just making us sit through more meetings.

Pro tip: If an AI says it's not here to take your job, it's probably already written your resignation letter. In Comic Sans. Because even artificial intelligence can be passive-aggressive.

The Greatest Show on Earth: How Late-Stage Capitalism Became Must-See TV

Here's the beautiful thing about living through this particular timeline: The conspiracy isn't even trying to hide anymore. It's like watching a magician explain their trick during the performance, confident that we're too hypnotized by their PowerPoint transitions to notice they're literally describing how they're robbing us.

The Real Crime Drama Isn't Where You Think

Forget the dark web forums where anonymous users trade cryptocurrency for tinfoil hats. The real heist is broadcast on 4K on CNBC every day at the market open. We've evolved beyond the need for subtle criminal enterprises. Now, CEOs give villain monologues with pie charts, explaining how they're destroying the economy while asking for applause.

The PowerPoint Persuasion

Picture this: A hedge fund manager stands before a graph showing how they're turning your neighbourhood into a Monopoly board. But it's okay because:

  • The presentation is beautifully designed
  • The charts are colour-coded
  • They used the word "innovation" at least 17 times
  • There's a slide about "stakeholder value."

They're not even trying to hide it anymore – they're telling us,

"Yes, we have record profits, AND we need to raise prices,"

Like we're all too dazzled by their slide transitions to understand basic math. But I guess when you own all the calculators, you get to decide what numbers mean.

The Digital Dystopia We Got

We're living in a time when corporations are teaching robots to replace artists while convincing you that a picture of a monkey is worth your pension.

They've automated everything except their greed.

The people who told you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps are now selling you digital bootstraps in the metaverse—only $599.99 for the 'American Dream' NFT Collection, which drops right after they finish laying off the entire art department.

The Great Distraction

Everyone worries about AI taking their jobs while corporations speed-run the apocalypse because they fear we might develop class consciousness before their algorithms learn to replace it. They're not worried about artificial intelligence but about actual intelligence connecting the dots.

Think about it:

  • While we argue about bathroom policies, they're buying all the bathrooms
  • While we debate streaming service quality, they're streaming profits to offshore accounts
  • While we fight about pronouns, they're pronouncing the death of affordable housing

The Real-Time Reality Show

The true dystopia isn't coming – it's being live-streamed with charts, graphs, and quarterly projections. Watch rich people explain in 4K how they're robbing you legally while they:

  • Turn your neighborhood into a Monopoly board
  • Convert your retirement into an NFT
  • Transform your job into an AI training dataset
  • Package your debt into a financial product

And they're doing it all while complaining that young people just don't want to work anymore. 

(Spoiler alert: They do want to work, just not for companies that treat "human rights" as an optional software update.)

But yes... The Children Are the Problem

So here we are, watching the world's most expensive reality show, where:

  • The villains have MBAs
  • The crime scenes have catering
  • The getaway vehicles are corporate jets
  • The evidence is filed with the SEC
  • The accomplices are algorithms
  • And somehow, mysteriously, everyone keeps blaming teenagers with creative hair colours

A Viewer's Guide to the Apocalypse

The next time someone tells you to worry about kids these days, remember:

  • CNBC is showing actual crimes in real-time
  • Your retirement fund is being turned into a meme
  • An AI is writing your replacement's job description
  • And someone's explaining why all of this is good for the economy

The real conspiracy isn't hidden in some shadowy corner of the internet – it's being presented in quarterly earnings calls with excellent graphic design. And that's the magic trick: doing it so openly that we forget it's happening.

Remember: While you worry about what the youth are up to, someone in a Patagonia vest explains via PowerPoint why you should be grateful for the opportunity to be priced out of your neighbourhood.

Now, that's what I call premium content.

Tags:

Bill Beatty

International Man of Leisure, Harpo Marxist, sandwich connoisseur https://4bb.ca / https://billbeatty.net