A Canadian watching people choosing between Iranian ayatollahs and Texas televangelists.
Let morally bankrupt politicians facing criminal charges team up with oil executives and end-times preachers to write foreign policy, and you get a suicide cult with a Congressional lobbying budget. Somehow, we're supposed to pretend this is everyday geopolitics.
As a Canadian, I'm watching the world's most potent military get hijacked by a coalition that makes the Manson Family look like a community college debate team. On one side: John Hagee—founder of Christians United for Israel and owner of 10 million followers—literally calling for pre-emptive nuclear strikes on Iran because he believes "a confrontation with Iran is a necessary precondition for Armageddon and the Second Coming of Christ." His book "Jerusalem Countdown" sports a mushroom cloud on its cover. Apparently, when Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers," he meant "Blessed are those who lobby for nuclear holocaust to speed up my return schedule."
On the other side: Benjamin Netanyahu, facing bribery, fraud, and breach of trust charges in Israeli courts, has discovered that nothing distracts from domestic legal troubles like a good apocalyptic war. Threading through both of them like a poisonous golden thread: fossil fuel executives funding evangelical think tanks that promote climate denial while lobbying for Middle East conflicts that keep oil flowing and regions destabilized.
It's a closed loop of mutual assured destruction: evangelicals get their End Times prophecy fulfillment, oil companies get their geopolitical justification for staying in the Middle East, defence contractors get their perpetual conflict, and criminal politicians get their crisis-driven distraction from accountability. Meanwhile, we get to play Russian roulette with civilization.
The False Choice Trap
They've managed to frame this as a binary choice between "supporting Israel" and "appeasing Iran." As if those are the only options. As if we must choose between Iranian ayatollahs who execute protesters and American televangelists who fantasize about nuclear war. As if acknowledging Iran's theocratic regime is repressive somehow means embracing Christian Zionist warmongers who view the Middle East as ground zero for their cosmic snuff film.
The sane response is rejecting the premise entirely. The obvious move is rejecting the idea that opposing Iran's authoritarian regime requires embracing American religious zealots who lobby for nuclear war. Any rational person rejects manipulation by fossil fuel interests and defence contractors who profit from perpetual conflict while ordinary people pay the price. The sane response is refusing to choose between theocratic extremism abroad or theocratic extremism at home.
The Iranian regime murders protesters, oppresses women, funds proxy militias, and pursues destabilizing regional policies. But acknowledging that reality doesn't mean signing up for John Hagee's apocalyptic fever dreams or Netanyahu's legal-troubles-distraction tour.
The Pattern of Criminal Leadership
The most dangerous pattern: what happens when voters give morally suspect politicians facing criminal charges the power of leadership. Both Netanyahu and Trump discovered that criminal charges can be politically advantageous if you frame them correctly. Instead of accountability, they become evidence of persecution by "enemies." Both have cultivated religious extremist bases that view their legal troubles as proof of divine testing. Both use international conflict and domestic chaos to stay in power.
When voters elect leaders facing serious criminal charges, they're choosing chaos as a governing strategy. These politicians can't afford stability or the rule of law; they need constant crisis to justify their power and distract from accountability. Every time Netanyahu's corruption trial heats up, suddenly there's a new security crisis requiring his "strong leadership." Every time Trump faces legal consequences, the deep state is persecuting Christians and patriots.
It's the oldest playbook in authoritarian politics: wrap yourself in the flag, claim divine favour, identify external enemies, and watch your legal problems fade into the background as critics get labelled traitors or heretics.
The Congressional Armageddon Caucus: Your Guide to Democracy's Death Cult
If you're going to let religious extremists hijack your foreign policy, at least know which ones are driving the bus off the cliff. Here's your field guide to the politicians who've decided that John Hagee's fever dreams should determine whether Iran becomes a radioactive parking lot:
Ted Cruz (R-TX) - If the Zodiac Killer had developed a taste for geopolitics instead of serial murder, you'd get Ted Cruz's approach to Middle East policy. This sentient disaster has been CUFI's golden boy, showing up at their 2022 summit to proclaim that the Abraham Accords caused "the flowering of a historic peace in the Middle East." Apparently, his definition of "peace" includes whatever fresh hell is currently unfolding in Gaza. Cruz champions moving embassies and torpedoing Iran deals because nothing says "presidential timber" like pandering to people who think nuclear war is a divine to-do list.
Mike Pence (former VP, still haunting us) - The man who spent four years as Trump's apocalyptic Jiminy Cricket, whispering sweet end-times nothings into the president's ear. Pence spoke at CUFI's 2017 summit, where he got his marching orders for reshaping American foreign policy around biblical prophecy. His Mike-and-Mother Christianity helped engineer the embassy move and Iran deal withdrawal, proving that sometimes the most dangerous person in the room is the one who thinks God is texting him policy suggestions.
Mike Johnson (R-LA, House Speaker) - A man who's embraced New Apostolic Reformation doctrines about Christian dominion over society, which is the political equivalent of those people who think they can speak in tongues but sound like they're having a stroke. His rise to Speaker puts end-times theology uncomfortably close to the House agenda, like having your crazy uncle who thinks the government is run by lizard people suddenly become your city council president.
Josh Hawley (R-MO) - Picture a youth pastor who discovered Ayn Rand and decided to make it everyone else's problem. Hawley regularly panders to evangelical audiences about America's divine mission while looking like he just stepped out of a Brooks Brothers catalog shoot for "Fascism: The Preppy Years." His performative Christianity includes viewing Middle East conflicts through the lens of cosmic scorekeeping.
Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) - While she's better known for her theories about Jewish space lasers, she's also aligned with Christian dominionist movements that see current Middle East conflicts as divine theatre—basically the perfect recruit for people who need someone naive enough to believe anything but loud enough to make it everyone else's problem. It's like having someone who thinks professional wrestling is real suddenly get put in charge of international relations.
Rick Scott (R-FL) - Lists himself as a "non-denominational evangelical," which is politician-speak for "I'll worship whatever gets me votes." He's been a reliable rubber stamp for unconditional Israel support and aggressive Iran policies, proving that sometimes the most dangerous true believers are the ones who don't believe anything.
Tim Scott (R-SC) - Another self-identified evangelical who's been courting Christian Zionist voters with the desperate energy of a guy trying to get his ex back by becoming everything she said she wanted. His pivot to end-times pandering would be sad if it weren't so terrifying.
Mike Huckabee (Trump's Ambassador to Israel) - A longtime evangelical favourite who's denied Palestinian existence with the casual confidence of someone denying climate change at a beach house that's currently underwater. Now he gets to turn his biblical fan fiction into diplomatic policy, like putting someone who thinks Harry Potter is a documentary in charge of the Department of Education.
Ron DeSantis (R-FL Governor) - Spoke at the 2023 CUFI summit as part of his campaign to position himself as the evangelical alternative to Trump, basically "What if we had all the apocalyptic Christianity but with better organizational skills?" He's been courting the Christian Zionist vote with the enthusiasm of someone who just discovered a new way to be terrible.
These aren't politicians with Sunday morning habits; these are elected officials who've aligned themselves with people who think foreign policy should be designed around making Jesus come back faster. They're turning Hagee's theological masturbation fantasies into legislative reality, and we're supposed to pretend this is normal governance instead of what it is: a death cult with parliamentary procedure.
Most of these people would struggle to find Iran on a map without GPS, but they're sure that bombing it will unlock the next level of Christian salvation. It's like being governed by people who think The Left Behind series was a strategic planning document.
The Fossil Fuel Connection: When Armageddon Becomes a Business Plan
The financial ecosystem that keeps this death cult well-funded and politically viable: The fossil fuel industry has been playing footsie with evangelical Christianity since John D. Rockefeller was a young sociopath with oil money to burn. These corporate angels have spent over a century funding Christian organizations, building a symbiotic relationship where churches get money and oil companies get a ready-made army of believers who think environmental destruction is God's will.
It's genius, evil genius. Fund the people who believe the world is supposed to end anyway, and suddenly your industry's commitment to planetary destruction becomes a feature, not a bug. Climate change isn't a catastrophic threat to human civilization. It's God's way of fast-tracking the Rapture! Melting ice caps aren't a crisis; they're a countdown timer to Jesus's grand finale!
The oil executives sit in their boardrooms, watching John Hagee call for nuclear war with Iran, and they're not horrified—they're calculating quarterly projections. More Middle East conflict means higher oil prices, more defence spending, more regional instability that requires a USA military presence, and profit margins that would make Gordon Gekko weep with joy.
The View from Outside: Watching Democracy Eat Itself
As a Canadian watching this unfold, it's like being the sober friend watching your buddy decide that vodka and chainsaws make a great combination. Why should Canadian foreign policy be dictated by John Hagee's interpretation of biblical prophecy? Why should any sane country be pressured to fund military adventures designed to fulfill some Texas preacher's end-times sexual fantasies?
The U.S. is being manipulated into choosing between Iranian theocracy and American theocracy, and somehow that becomes everyone else's problem too. It's the geopolitical equivalent of being asked to pick sides in a fight between two groups of people who both think invisible sky wizards are giving them tactical advice.
The tragedy is watching USA voters, most of whom just want to afford groceries and not get blown up, get pushed into supporting policies that serve neither their interests nor basic human survival. They're being told they must choose Team America or Team Iran, when the real choice should be "Maybe let's not let religious fanatics of any denomination decide who lives and who dies."
The Real Choice
Sanity looks like diplomatic engagement that isolates extremists on all sides. Policies that support civil society and human rights everywhere. Energy independence that undercuts both petro-autocrats and oil company war profiteering. Political leaders who see regional stability and human welfare as the goal, not theological scorekeeping or corporate quarterly reports.
Rational people support democracy against authoritarianism, regardless of whether that authoritarianism wraps itself in the Iranian flag, the USA flag, or the Jesus fish. Sensible people oppose religious extremism, whether it comes from ayatollahs in Tehran or televangelists in Texas. Anyone with basic pattern recognition skills rejects the premise that fossil fuel executives and defence contractors should determine foreign policy because they've found useful idiots in both the evangelical movement and the halls of power.
The choice isn't between Iranian ayatollahs and USA evangelicals. The choice is between authoritarianism and democracy, between extremism and pluralism, between the politics of fear and the politics of hope. And if we keep letting the wrong people frame that choice for us, we'll wake up one day to discover that the leopards have gotten very fat indeed, and there aren't enough faces left to go around.
The Stakes
The human stakes here are staggering, and not in the fun roller-coaster way. When religious leaders abandon any pretense of Christianity, when corporations prioritize quarterly profits over planetary survival, and when politicians choose theological performative art over basic competence, millions of people die. Iranian civilians, Israeli civilians, Palestinian civilians, and USA service members all become casualties in these leaders' personal survival strategies and divine role-playing games.
We're not talking about abstract policy debates. We're talking about John Hagee's followers who "eagerly revealed their excitement at the prospect of Armageddon occurring tomorrow"—because nothing says "love thy neighbour" like hoping everyone dies in nuclear fire. We're talking about Netanyahu using war to avoid his day in court like some geopolitical O.J. Simpson. We're talking about oil executives funding think tanks that promote both climate denial and regional conflict, because why settle for destroying the planet slowly when you can add warfare to speed things up?
We're talking about a system where the world's most dangerous Bible study group gets to write foreign policy, and we're supposed to go along with it because they've wrapped their death fantasies in patriotic bunting and called it God's will.
Democracy's Death Rattle
Democracy dies when we let criminal politicians, religious extremists, and corporate war profiteers convince us that their narrow interests represent our only choices. It dies when we accept that supporting human rights means picking a side in someone else's holy war. It dies when we let fear of being called naive or unpatriotic pressure us into endorsing policies that serve apocalyptic fantasies rather than human flourishing.
Those of us watching from outside will be hoping that somewhere in the noise of manufactured crises and false choices, the better angels of the USA democracy remember how to speak louder than the warmongers and the profiteers and the preachers of the end times.
Because the world can't afford for them to stay silent much longer, the unholy trinity of fossil fuel money, religious extremism, and criminal leadership has had its fun, but the bill is coming due, and it's going to be paid in blood and fire and the screams of people who never asked to be extras in someone else's theological horror movie.
The question isn't whether this alliance will eventually destroy itself; it's whether it takes the rest of us with it. And right now, that's looking like a coin flip with a quarter that's been weighted by people who think Heads means Armageddon and Tails means the Rapture.
Either way, we lose. Unless we finally stop letting them flip the coin.
