(and Why Today's Voters Should Give a Damn)
For those blessed enough to have missed this in your high school history class—probably because your textbook was busy fellating the Founding Fathers and couldn't spare a paragraph for actual threats to democracy—let me introduce you to the Business Plot of 1933. It's the story of when the USA’s wealthiest titans of industry decided that democracy was cute and all, but maybe it was time for a fascist makeover. Think of it as the prequel to every "billionaire saves America" movie, except instead of Iron Man, you get a bunch of Du Pont executives plotting a coup over brandy and cigars.
The Original "Drain the Swamp" (Except They Wanted to Replace It with a Gold-Plated Cesspool)
It's 1933. The Great Depression has America in a bad way; people are selling apples on street corners, and Franklin D. Roosevelt dares to suggest that maybe, just maybe, the government should help people not die. Enter stage right: a cabal of industrialists so clutch-your-pearls terrified of the New Deal that they allegedly plotted to overthrow FDR and install a "business-friendly" dictatorship.
The players? A murderer's row of the USA’s aristocracy: JP Morgan associates, the Du Pont family (yes, the chemical dynasty that gave us both nylon and Agent Orange—real Renaissance people), General Motors executives, and Prescott Bush (whose son and grandson would go on to become presidents, because the USA loves a dynasty more than a reality show loves manufactured drama).
Their brilliant plan? Recruit decorated war hero General Smedley Butler to lead 500,000 disgruntled veterans in a march on Washington because nothing says "patriotic coup" like using men who already fought for their country to overthrow the guy they elected.
But here's where it gets delicious: Butler, instead of playing along like a good little general, pulled the ultimate Uno reverse card. He exposed the entire conspiracy to Congress, becoming one of history's most iconic whistleblowers before the term "whistleblowing” was even a thing. The Congressional investigation concluded that, yes, some very powerful people had indeed "attempted to establish a fascist organization in this country."
The aftermath? Crickets. No prosecutions. No consequences. Just a collective "whoopsie-daisy" from the press and a quick shuffle of the whole thing under the rug of history.
Fast Forward to Now: Same Shit, Different Century
Now, you might be thinking, "Bill, this is all very quaint, but surely our modern democracy is immune to such shenanigans." And I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Denial. She's lovely, but terrible at pattern recognition.
See, the Business Plot wasn't some aberration—it was a blueprint. Today's billionaire class has simply updated the software while keeping the same malicious code. Instead of marching on Washington with veterans, we've got tech bros and hedge fund sociopaths deploying algorithmic warfare through social media, buying entire political parties like they're ordering Amazon Prime deliveries, and turning elections into QVC shopping channels for democracy.
Let's talk specifics, shall we?
The Musk-Trump Industrial Complex
Remember when Elon Musk threw a quarter-billion dollars at Trump's campaign and somehow ended up with a made-up government position to "fight corruption"? The same Elon Musk whose companies are under investigation for labour violations, safety concerns, and environmental disasters? It's like putting a fox in charge of chicken coop security—if that fox had also co-opted Dogecoin and occasionally showed up to work in a full-metal jacket costume.
This isn't incompetence; it's a feature, not a bug. When the same guy who can crash global markets with a single tweet suddenly has governmental oversight of his own industries, we've crossed from "conflict of interest" into "cosmic joke" territory.
The Soros vs. Scrooge McDuck Death Match
But wait, there's more! While MAGA world screams about George Soros funding liberal causes (which he does), they conveniently ignore the Koch brothers, Sheldon Adelson's ghost, and the entire ecosystem of dark money that makes "Citizens United" look like a quaint college debate society.
The pattern is always the same: terrify people with vague threats about "socialism," "communism," or "wokeness," then swoop in with policies that coincidentally benefit the donor class. It's like watching a magician who's so bad at sleight of hand—you can see the trick, but some people still clap anyway.
The Great Populist Charade
Here's the diabolical part: modern billionaire-backed politicians have perfected the art of co-opting populist anger. They'll rail against "the elite" while literally being funded by the elite, attack "the establishment" while building their own dynasties, and promise to "fight for the working class" while gutting labour protections faster than a Victorian chimney sweep develops lung disease.
Take any current demagogue—from Orbán in Hungary to Meloni in Italy—and you'll see the same playbook: wrap yourself in the flag, speak in simple slogans, identify some "other" to blame for everyone's problems, and then quietly sell out to the highest bidder once you're in power.
The American Dream™ Is On Sale (No Returns Accepted)
The brilliance of the modern approach is its packaging. Where the Business Plot conspirators at least had the decency to be honest about wanting a "business-friendly dictatorship," today's version comes wrapped in stale populist rhetoric and served with a side of cultural grievance.
"Make America Great Again" sounds a lot better than "Make Billionaires Richer," but guess which one happens? The tax cuts, the deregulation, the gutting of oversight agencies—it's all the same agenda, just with better marketing.
And before you send me death threats about being biased, let's be clear: this isn't a left-right issue. This is a "democracy versus oligarchy" issue. When Jeff Bezos can pay less in taxes than his warehouse workers while those same workers piss in bottles to meet quotas, we've got a problem that transcends party politics.
Canada: The "Hold My Buck a Beer" Edition
But wait, I hear you saying, "Bill, surely you Canadians have your shit together?" Oh, sweet summer child. Let me tell you about the grand Canadian con job currently in progress, where provincial premiers are playing a shell game with healthcare while pointing fingers at Ottawa with the dedication of toddlers denying they drew on the walls.
Take Doug Ford in Ontario, for instance. Here's a guy who looks like he was assembled by an AI that was only fed footage of used car salesmen and asked to create "Generic North American Politician #3." Ford and his conservative cronies have perfected the art of budget gymnastics: slash healthcare funding, watch the system crumble, then blame the Federal government faster than Leaf fans blaming Wes McCauley for their latest playoff loss.
It's like watching someone key their own car, then call the police about vandalism. "Officer! Look what the federal government did to my beautiful healthcare system!"
The playbook is so transparent, it might as well be printed on Saran Wrap:
- Cut funding to essential services
- Watch those services struggle (shocked Pikachu face)
- Blame the federal government for interference
- Propose "solutions" that coincidentally benefit corporate donors
- Rinse and repeat until democracy itself is sold for parts
Meanwhile, in Alberta, Jason Kenney managed to speedrun the destruction of one of the world's most envied healthcare systems. His successor, Danielle Smith, makes him look like a moderate. She's pushing a two-tier healthcare system while dressed in the rhetoric of "patient choice," which is like calling a payday loan "flexible financing options."
The irony is so thick you could use it to insulate your attic. These premiers rail against federal overreach while taking federal transfer payments and then – and this is the beautiful part – they turn around and hand out corporate tax breaks to their buddies like Halloween candy. It's socialism for the rich, rugged individualism for everyone else.
And the federal government? They're sitting there like the designated driver at a party where everyone's drinking tequila and making poor life choices. "Maybe we should slow down a bit?" they suggest weakly, while the premiers shotgun another brew and shout about "provincial autonomy."
The coup de grâce? These same premiers who can't keep ER staffed are now floating privatization as the solution because nothing says "better healthcare" like introducing the profit motive into life-or-death situations. "Sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but your insurance doesn't cover emergency appendectomies during fiscal Q3. Perhaps you'd like to schedule this for next quarter?"
It's the Business Plot with a maple syrup glaze, eh? Same game, same players, just with more "sorry" and "about that" sprinkled throughout.
A Message to Voters (You Beautiful, Gullible Bastards)
Look, I get it. Life is complicated. Inflation sucks. Housing costs are insane. Your student loans are older than some of the people running for office. When someone comes along promising simple solutions, it's tempting to believe them.
But here's the thing: the people with the microphones and the money aren't your friends. They're not fighting for you. They won't save you. They're going to use your anger, package it, sell it back to you, and then laugh all the way to their offshore bank accounts.
The next time you hear a politician promising to "Axe the Tax" or "fight the deep state" or any other catchphrase designed to fit on a bumper sticker, ask yourself: Who's funding this clown? Who benefits from these policies? And most importantly, why should I trust someone who's never had to choose between rent and groceries?
The Plot Thickens
The Business Plot failed because one man had the courage to expose it. Today, the plot has succeeded because it's been normalized, legalized, and rebranded as "campaign finance" and "lobbying." We've gone from nearly having a fascist coup to living in a system where the same outcomes—government by the wealthy, for the wealthy—are achieved through entirely legal means.
The Death Star has evolved into Amazon: the same destructive capacity, but with a better user interface.
The warning signs are all there. The concentration of wealth. The erosion of democratic norms. The rise of strongman politics wrapped in populist packaging—the systematic undermining of institutions that exist to check power. We're living through a slow-motion Business Plot, and this time, the plotters aren't hiding in smoke-filled rooms—they're live-streaming on Twitter err X.
Choose Your Own Adventure (Spoiler: Most Endings Suck)
So, what's the moral of this incredibly depressing story? Simple: when billionaires start talking about "the people," reach for your wallet. When politicians promise to fight corruption while taking corporate cash, remember that turkeys don't vote for Thanksgiving.
Democracy isn't a spectator sport, despite what cable news would have you believe. It requires actual participation, critical thinking, and the ability to see through bullshit wrapped in flags, religion and faux moral outrage.
The Business Plot failed because one decorated general refused to be a useful idiot. Today, we all need to channel our inner Smedley Butler. Not by marching on Washington (please don't, the US Capitol has been through enough), but by refusing to be manipulated by people whose idea of "fighting for America" is making sure their stock portfolios stay healthy.
Because here's the dirty secret they don't want you to know: they need you more than you need them. Without your votes, labour, and compliance, their entire house of cards collapses. They know it. Now you know it.
So the next time some well-funded demagogue promises to make the USA great by cutting taxes for the rich while you eat ramen noodles for the third night in a row, maybe, just maybe, tell them to fornicate a fruit bowl.
After all, if there’s going to be a revolution, at least make sure it's not bankrolled by the people you're revolting against.
Bill Beatty is a writer, satirist, and professional pessimist who believes democracy is like a gym membership—expensive, occasionally painful, but better than fascism, where the only exercise is goose-stepping.
